Some memes

frees me to live in the present. yes here i go with another just for today and living in the present tense blog. i do not think that is where this is going, but time will tell. this was one of those morning where not a whole lot bubbled up from the void. it was far from the perfect quite i achieved last week, but pretty damn close. fantasy football and finish my novel were what came up and both were quickly dismissed as not relevant or apropos to what i was feeling. what i did feel when i sent the the grunge back into the depths was a sense of being exactly where i need to be. that happens more and more these days, but this morning it was stronger than usual crowding out my disappointment at losing both my matches this weekend and coming to the end of another creative writing project. there are days when i hate doing the footwork in any sense. there are days when i just phone it in. today, it simply is: footwork equals piece of mind.
i often consider my daily recovery routine of asking for the power to stay clean, reading something from the fellowship literature and sitting to access the void, just as something i do. i know without a doubt that is footwork as much as writing steps and following the direction of my sponsor, peers and friends. and yet, i take it for granted. IF i choose another day clean, that is just what i do. i have experience with the days i do not do the footwork and none of it is pleasant. i have stopped trying to decide if my daily ritual is superstition, compulsion or habit, i just accept that it works.
tomorrow i can start obsessing about how to avoid another round of losses and considering my next project. today, i will live in the serenity that has descended upon me and enjoy a cigar on my back porch before i go to work. i know that whether or not this feeling will last is not the question. the question is can i enjoy it and allow myself to be present enough to not worry about when the next shoe will drop. just for today that is more than enough.

∞ DT ∞