๐ seeking ๐
Posted: Thu, Oct 12, 2017 10:03:14 AM
to learn from my peers. it is true, that i have not heard anything new about HOW to stay clean, since the end of my first ninety days of daily meetings. everything i NEEDED to know was provided in that time period. it is also true, that as a result of sticking around, and being one of those who stills attends meeting on a very regular schedule, i GET to learn new twists on the basic tenets of the program, i heard in those first ninety days. my peers, teach me new ways of looking at what i know, fresh insights on what makes me tick and most importantly the HOPE that there is still more, much more to learn.
i could down the path of the longer i stay clean, the less i know, which for me, is a symptom of pride and arrogance. when i use that phrase to describe myself i am playing the “see how humble” game. i am more in the “the more i learn, the more i realize how much I don t know,” mode. the reading certainly goes in that direction as well. it is not that i know less, it is just that i see how much more there is for me to learn. each gem of knowledge i acquire leads to the cascading effect of seeing new and different things to learn. honestly being humble is not one of my natural “God-given” talents. the reading is pretty clear, low self-esteem and trying to “look better” than i actually am feeling, are certainly causes of me acting-out in this manner.
this little ditty got rudely interrupted by issues at work, and in fact one of the issues i am having with a very difficult “know-it-all” client, dominated my 11TH step this morning. i am not sure how i will move forward, as they do not want to follow procedure and prefers to shortcut their way to my attention. and of course their problem is my problem, and their problem NEEDS to be the NUMBER ONE issue on my desk. yes i have a bit of a resentment here, and yes my expectations are not being met and yes i am resisting the urge to tell them to go fVck themselves. anyhow i have meetings to go to and coffee to get. it is a good day to be certain about what i DO know and open to what i do not know.
i could down the path of the longer i stay clean, the less i know, which for me, is a symptom of pride and arrogance. when i use that phrase to describe myself i am playing the “see how humble” game. i am more in the “the more i learn, the more i realize how much I don t know,” mode. the reading certainly goes in that direction as well. it is not that i know less, it is just that i see how much more there is for me to learn. each gem of knowledge i acquire leads to the cascading effect of seeing new and different things to learn. honestly being humble is not one of my natural “God-given” talents. the reading is pretty clear, low self-esteem and trying to “look better” than i actually am feeling, are certainly causes of me acting-out in this manner.
this little ditty got rudely interrupted by issues at work, and in fact one of the issues i am having with a very difficult “know-it-all” client, dominated my 11TH step this morning. i am not sure how i will move forward, as they do not want to follow procedure and prefers to shortcut their way to my attention. and of course their problem is my problem, and their problem NEEDS to be the NUMBER ONE issue on my desk. yes i have a bit of a resentment here, and yes my expectations are not being met and yes i am resisting the urge to tell them to go fVck themselves. anyhow i have meetings to go to and coffee to get. it is a good day to be certain about what i DO know and open to what i do not know.
∞ DT ∞