๐ forgiving is ๐
Posted: Mon, Jul 20, 2026 10:57:01 AM
its own reward because i have found that when i am free of guilt, shame, and resentment, my mind can be still. i have to admit not forgiving someone does not cause a whole lot of either shame or guilt for me. resentment? well that is a different story. forgiving someone, even though i was correct, does keep me from polishing my anger, frustration or disappointment into a nice and shiny resentment. i can also say that i do not feel any guilt or shame about forming a resentment. pain? yes! a spiritual weight? yes! i am not sure why my source material would equate guilt and shame with self-righteous indignation and resentment, but for me that is not my experience.
with that huge caveat behind me, i am quite certain that as i learned to be forgiving, i found that i could grow in my recovery. holding on to whither or not i was right to be angry, disappointed or frustrated, does little to help me achieve the spiritual balance i seek on a daily basis. i know that weight, no matter how well justified, sways me back to a place i would rather not be. this morning as i listened to the quiet, what i felt was that right here and right now, there is no one in my life worth carrying a resentment towards, no matter how dickish they act on a regular basis. there is exactly one person who i know fits that bill and he is not worth the time, energy or bandwidth to even consider on a regular basis. that is not to say he does not have value, all humans have value. that is not to say i need to avoid him. nope, what it means is that when i start to consider who he is and how he behaves, i can tell myself to let go, i have more valuable things to thing about such as my AI novels and the images i am creating. that also means that when i interact with him, i do so in a kind, respectful and courteous manner. that sort of treatment costs me nothing and actually frees me from the weight of being a dickhead asshole, in real-time.
where does that leave me? i can certainly use a reminder that everything is not about me and that right or wrong, i can let my emotions sweep over me and respond, rather than react. i can also make the attempt to forgive in the here and now, instead of waiting until i do my daily inventory. i really do not need to be dragged down by teh weight of that stone all day long, just for today.
with that huge caveat behind me, i am quite certain that as i learned to be forgiving, i found that i could grow in my recovery. holding on to whither or not i was right to be angry, disappointed or frustrated, does little to help me achieve the spiritual balance i seek on a daily basis. i know that weight, no matter how well justified, sways me back to a place i would rather not be. this morning as i listened to the quiet, what i felt was that right here and right now, there is no one in my life worth carrying a resentment towards, no matter how dickish they act on a regular basis. there is exactly one person who i know fits that bill and he is not worth the time, energy or bandwidth to even consider on a regular basis. that is not to say he does not have value, all humans have value. that is not to say i need to avoid him. nope, what it means is that when i start to consider who he is and how he behaves, i can tell myself to let go, i have more valuable things to thing about such as my AI novels and the images i am creating. that also means that when i interact with him, i do so in a kind, respectful and courteous manner. that sort of treatment costs me nothing and actually frees me from the weight of being a dickhead asshole, in real-time.
where does that leave me? i can certainly use a reminder that everything is not about me and that right or wrong, i can let my emotions sweep over me and respond, rather than react. i can also make the attempt to forgive in the here and now, instead of waiting until i do my daily inventory. i really do not need to be dragged down by teh weight of that stone all day long, just for today.
∞ DT ∞